Becoming Aware: Control

How still is your soul? Are you at peace?

Do you suffer from anxiety? Do your thoughts run a mile a minute? Do you worry? Do you wish things were different in your life than your current circumstances? Are you depressed? Discontent? Content but something is just off? Are you waiting for something but it’s just not happening? Do you want to try to learn how to live a slower life? Are you afraid to slow down because it’s what you’re used to and if you’re busy then you don’t have to think about your life? Do you like to fill your schedule because it helps you to feel more in control, more in order? Does it help you cover what’s going on inside?

You know you. You know if any of these are you.

What does the word surrender mean to you? When you think of the word surrender what is the first visual that pops into your head? Do you see it as a positive or negative action? Is it something you believe is easy to do or does it take some effort from you?

How are you with control?

How aware are you of your need to control? Many people who live super controlled lives are actually not really aware that they are doing it, because they have been holding themselves together for so long. Releasing control within you in some of your deepest places is hard. Some feel like they will fall apart if they do. There are many reasons we’re wired this way and that’s a different conversation for a later time - you might already know for your own self, but maybe it might take a little more exploring. We’ll do that soon.

Surrender requires admitting that you do not hold yourself or your world together (specifically challenging for Type A personalities and those with perfectionist tendencies). Surrender asks that you let go of memories, relationships, thoughts, and actions that are harmful to your physical, mental and spiritual health. Surrender says, I can’t do this on my own anymore, I was never meant to go this road alone, please take this from me. It’s humbly laying yourself, your life, your dreams and all you keep so close down. The act of surrender admits that you are not in control and you are releasing whatever needs to go. It does not hold on for security. It lets go. And finds a new understanding of secure.

One reason our souls are not still is because our world gives us the false belief that we’re in control; we’re in the driver’s seat of our lives. We’re not. God is. We’re also told that if we can be in control we’ll be better or greater. We’re not. God is. If you have perfected your external appearance for all the world to see (with whatever mode you have used, there are way too many), but you are suffering inside, you are not in control. Perhaps your life plans, dreams, and hopes have been perfected in your heart but something happens that reminds you that you are not in control. Maybe you’ve finally made it to the top of the ladder professionally, you are known in the corporate world, you have made a name for yourself, you find yourself feeling accomplished, powerful. You are still not in control. God will always be the top of the ladder.

The desire to control is ingrained in us. Whether we believe it or not. Many on healing journeys need to unlearn their obsessive and sometimes hidden need to have everything together and master their past, present, and future. If life is in order and looks good to others then no one will know that my insides are actually hurting, chaotic, nervous, exhausted, scared, sad, broken…and the list goes on. Some people even hide their happiness and joy because those around them don’t receive it and shut it down, so it’s easier to stuff it and hide and keep it together. We should actually sit with this for awhile, and I hope you will. All of us are different so we’ll see it pop up in various ways according to how we live, our relationships and the distinct circumstances of our lives. Let me ask, also, if we are always the ones in control holding everything together, what need do we have for God? If we live like this, we are not really admitting the broken and fallen nature of our existence.

What do you need to surrender today? In order to live a slower, more peaceful, stilled life it’s required. It’s not a one time thing. It’s continual and will eventually become a rhythm of your life if you get real about it. It’s worth exploring so I hope you take some time to examine and learn more about yourself. It will benefit you greatly. Awareness is a great weapon in the battle of everyday life.

This week the book recommendation on the website is Chasing Slow: Courage To Journey Off The Beaten Path by Erin Loechner. I love it. It challenged me when I read it. One of her quotes is written in my journal and it’s circled and underlined with hearts next to it: “I used to think the opposite of control was chaos. But it’s not. The opposite of control is surrender. “

Surrender will help you navigate the chaos that you’ve been trying to control. It will heal the pain you’re trying to cover. It will allow you to rest. Your life will be more about letting go and less about keeping it together. You can hand it over to God so He can take it from here.

Reflection:

Journal through some of the questions and ideas presented in this daily reflection.
What sticks out to your personally?
Explore what surrendering looks like for you.
If you do surrender things to God, write about that process and what it felt like so you can come back to it one day.

Journeying Together,
C