Children

I remember it as clear as day. He asked, “so you think you’re a woman, Charity?” I quickly answered, “I have to be, I’m 36 years old.” Dr. B looked me in the eyes and responded, “You have to be a little girl first.”

I was silent. His words stopped this independent, going-to-take-on-the-world-and-win woman in her tracks. I was completely rocked. What?!?! I was a little girl, but now I’m a woman. He gently smiled. As I took in what he was sharing, the lightbulb went on in my thick skull. He meant that I needed to revisit how to be a child. We don’t do that very often as adults (which is kind of sad). Maybe we can change that. I had to spend some time remembering my specific life story and what I was like as a child. What did the world look like to me? Who took care of me? What was my home like? What was school like? What made me happy? What made me sad? What did I like to play? Who were my friends? What were my fears? Who showed me love? Was I shy or was I social? All of this is important, because a lot was forming in me when I was a child. And I really needed to take good time to process and explore so I could understand myself better now as a woman (with that little girl still in me somewhere).

Children help us understand what being with God can look like. (They don’t know it when they’re little, but they have something over adults on this one!) For the most part they let someone know when they need something. They are who they are—they don’t try to be somebody they’re not. They say how they feel. They are affectionate. They communicate. They enjoy doing things together. They are afraid of the dark (although a lot can be learned in the dark). Their lives are simple. They are creative and let their imaginations run wild. They love to play. And scream with glee. They emote pretty freely. They are open about their fears. They cry when they get hurt, they don’t stuff their emotions. They like to play hide and seek, but they want to be found. They have dreams and most believe they will come true. You know when they are mad, they don’t hide it. They want to be held. They need to be comforted. They need people to help them (whether it’s changing a diaper, driving them to school, or feeding them, etc.). They need people to know them, see them, hear them, and love them. They are dependent. They can’t survive on their own.

Dr. B’s challenge and reminder to me was exactly what I needed. You see, I was an adult woman, but life had unfortunately made me forget all of the above mentioned parts of being a child. Something needed to shift so I could relate to God the way He had designed. He cared that I was a woman who was on the verge of completing a M.A. degree with big dreams, but He cared way more that I was a child—His child. He needed me to think about what that looked like in relation to Him now in this phase of life. Yes, I was an adult woman on my own. But I really wasn’t on my own. I had to ask some questions.

How does a child see God? What does the Bible say about Jesus and children? What pictures does it paint? How does a child pray? How did little Charity play? How can big Charity play? How did I ask for help when I was a child? Did I believe that help would come? How were my needs met as a child? How am I with asking others for help? Do I just think I should do it on my own? How did I let others know how I felt when I was little? Did I cry? Laugh? Shut down? Look for attention? How did I understand love as a child? What communicated that to me? Was I influenced by others or did I just do me?

I learned that the life of an adult will be complicated if one does not live as a little child as well. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying that “being an adult” is not important—in fact, maturity and responsibility are necessary parts of the developmental spiritual life. I think the life of an adult is embellished and healthily aligned when a child of God can be a little of both. I am a work in progress. I am super independent and sometimes that’s good and sometimes that’s really not helpful. I need to be dependent on God. I’m performance oriented. I always have been. When your dad is a coach and your mom is a teacher—that happens. God is working on me. I’m work oriented. Sometimes I forget to play, be free, and laugh. Thankfully God has surrounded me with people who remind me to play. I do emote. I’m a deep feeler. That’s one good thing, and I’m glad God wired me that way. I’m pretty good at asking for help, but I could be better. One day at a time.

All in all, being a woman looks a little different in God’s eyes than I thought. I’m thankful for that day on the psychologist’s couch. It was one of the turning points in my spiritual life. It changed who I was. It changed who I wanted to be. It changed how I talk to Him. It changed how I interact with Him. It empowered me to know my true identity and live it out. It demanded that more of the world be discarded and more of God truths embraced. It required me to learn a new way of spiritual maturity. It taught me about what I knew about love and what I still need to learn about love. I grew up. For real.

Now I like to watch children a lot. They have so much to teach us adults. I used to go to parks and just watch them play and scream and cry and swing. I listen to them in stores when their parents are carting them around. I listen to how their parents talk to them. I listen for their needs. I listen for the responses. I look at their smiles. I wipe their tears. I am still learning from them. I always will be. They/we are precious in His eyes.

Reflection:

What did your childhood look like? Which memories stick out?

What was your personality like when you were a child?

Who communicated love to you as a child?

What did you like to play when you were little?

Did you have an imagination? Do you remember any stories?

What did you want to be when you grew up?

Who influenced you as a child?

Do you need to work on relating to God as a child—His child? If so, which areas need growth/change?

If you have some time this week, schedule in some time to watch kids in your surroundings. See what you learn. See how God uses it to transform you/bring healing.

Journeying Together,
C