Part of the Equation

How do you approach God in your trials and struggles? We all have them and we always will. I think it’s important to examine our responses. They communicate something about our heart nature. More than that, they could reveal more about the current status of your relationship with God.

How do you deal with conflict in your life? Do you run? Do you get defensive? Do you verbally communicate immediately? Do you shy away? Do you take everything personally? Do you communicate face to face in a healthy way? Do you need time to process or can you speak about it in the moment? Have you become bitter because you hold on to things forever? Have you become an expert communicator because you’ve journeyed through many hard times and God has showed up so much that you know that He is there with you through it all? We’re all in different places. But we’re all on a journey to Him.

How have others in your life (perhaps your family of origin or close friends or even media) taught you how (modeled) to deal with struggle, disappointment, trials and/or conflict in your everyday life? I’ve lumped the two categories trial/struggle with conflict because I think our responses to both, especially in relation to God, speak loudly and they are worth examining for the purpose of our own self-knowledge, awareness and growth.

Everyone deals with their life circumstances differently so when you participate in this reflection—this is for YOU. So now it’s time to look at your life in the mirror to see your own truth as it relates to these areas of the spiritual life. Think of one your biggest current trials (even if you’ve been dealing with it for awhile). Take note of how you’ve dealt with it.

First clarifying question: Have you dealt with it? Fully? Have you talked about it? Do you push it down so it seems to go away even though it doesn’t? Are you blaming others instead of seeing how you can personally grow and perhaps forgive? It’s easy to blame others because then you don’t have to look at yourself and how your heart responds. We are responsible for ourselves. We can’t control others or their behaviors or their responses. You are in charge of your own growth and if you want to engage it through your choices. Others do what others do. Bring the focus back to you. You are part of the equation.

Next, do you care more about others than yourself? How do you allow others to treat you? What are your boundaries? Do you make them known? Do you even know what they are? How will you know when too much if enough if you don’t even know in your heart? You have a right to set healthy boundaries in all of your life relationships. Please do so!

Next, what do you feel in this trial/struggle/conflict? Is it a heavy emotion? Has it been lingering? Are you angry? Have you been able to feel it and let it out? Are you feeling shame? Are you feeling at fault and the guilt won’t go away? Are you really really sad but you don’t know what to do with it? Are you confused? Lost? Frustrated? Without hope? Does it keep you down or are you able to pretend that it doesn’t bother you? Are you able to hide it from others? Do you have a healthy confidant or professional counselor or a spiritual director who can sit with you as you process what this trial means for your life—someone to help you navigate through it? You are not alone. Reach out to others. Isolation does not promote growth. Community does. You are not meant to journey alone—especially in the harder places. Healing from pain throughout your journey is an integral part of your spiritual growth and maturity.

Next step—how does your family of origin deal with trials and conflict? What have you been taught from watching them and listening to them throughout your lifetime? You can answer this for yourself because you are the one who has experienced them. Do you see any similarities in your responses? If you look closely and reflect on these responses, are they healthy? Do they promote healthy communication, freedom, growth, and healing ultimately? Do their responses invite closeness and intimacy and forgiveness? Have you been taught this through how they have related to you or others? Or have they done the opposite—pushed you away from your truth, your heart, your honesty, your pain? God wants to shift this if it’s true. He invites you to closeness, intimacy, forgiveness, healing and safety.

Lastly, how do you approach God in your trials/struggles/conflicts? Are you able to talk with Him honestly about it? Do you believe He’s listening? Do you believe He cares? Why do you think He’s allowing it in your life? Are you able to emote with Him and let Him hold you in it? Can you break down with Him and let it all out? Do you believe you can hide it from Him? Do you think it will go away if you push it under the rug and pretend it’s all good on the surface of your life? It won’t go away. It’s time to deal with it. If you want to be healthy. It’s time to deal and move forward. Stop pretending.

Earlier I asked how you respond to conflict, because I think it is connected to how we deal with trials and struggles especially when it comes to how we relate with God. Do you run or do you communicate about it? Are you willing to enter in or would you rather hide? I recommend the hard route. The one that will cost you something. The vulnerable one. The honest one. The one that will draw you closer to the Lover of your soul. The one that will crucify your pride and require you to come humbly to a Father who is waiting to hear all about it. The one that requires hard conversations. The one that in the long run will bring full healing. The one that will help you move forward in newfound freedom.

I pray that you choose the hard route. He is there waiting to help you navigate your heart. There is room for some unlearning on the road to health. Most of need a good dose of it if we desire change. Vulnerability equals intimacy with God. He wants that more than ever and your relationship with Him is the most important one you’ll ever have from now until eternity. I think it’s time to stop hiding. And start showing up. When you do, your relationship will deepen. You’ll build trust with Him. You’ll have a renewed sense of knowing—you’re not alone. He has promised to be with you in the hardest places. But, you have to make the brave choice to honestly examine your heart in order to change what you’ve always known and how you’ve responded. You don’t have to be what you’ve always known. You can break that mold. You are responsible for you. You decide if you take the road less traveled or stay stuck. Start now. The invitation to intimacy with God is always open. You get to choose if you want it or not. Your choice. Your blessing. He’s waiting for your response. Your brave step towards change.

Reflection:
This reflection has a ton of personal examination questions! I hope it allows you and challenges you to dig deep and look at how you truly respond in situations of trials/struggle/conflict. Take some time to sit with the questions presented and answer them honestly. Find a trusted friend to share some of your answers and questions with as you process. It might take longer than a short reflection time on one day to sort through this topic. Give yourself space. Spend as many days on this as you need. The important thing is that you start to see how you relate and respond in these situations and reflect on why. I’m praying for you!

Journeying Together,
C